Most of you have heard the reference “spill the tea” which is a term used to describe sharing the details or the latest information. Today’s post I will be doing just that, in fact you may lose me at certain stages but it is mostly me grappling my thoughts whilst simultaneously making this sound like a decent read. If you lose focus and fail to grab my flow then just stare at the pretty Paul’s coffee I captured over the weekend. Just a heads up their coffee and patisserie is mouth-watering delicious. Anyways let me get straight into it.
I have been home for quite some time now, I completed my masters (still awaiting results) and attempting to escape the pangs of limbo. Alas, I am very unsuccessful in that area which has resulted in my creativity decreasing. I have the content but I lack the enthusiasm to post as much as I should. I may not be pursuing blogging full-time but it is a HARD road especially when you’re hoping to get recognised. I often go through waves of trying to figure out whether I should continue blogging or not? I mean, I am not gaining anything in particular but writing and reading is a passion – this alongside my love for trying new things caused this blog to formulate in the first place. Unfortunately, the last six months I have been extremely demoralised for a number of reasons.
Firstly, I went through some personal and social changes which was in the makings from 2017. To be honest, at the time I was a bit uncertain over what to expect but I learnt more about myself and my ego in those moments than I would normally. I also realised the best way to deal with these kind of social changes is to impart kindness. It has been a somewhat productive way to channel my thoughts and thankfully I have managed to slowly overcome those changes, which once seemed daunting to deal with.
Second, I am currently in a waiting period awaiting a bunch of news from different mediums, a place I am familiar with and cannot, for the life of me, handle well. If you read my posts last year I was torn between a decision and now I am in a similar situation. It is an awful and disheartening place to be in but I am praying and trying to pursue patience. If you’re reading this and believe in God or a spiritual energy pray for your girl! She needs it now more than ever.
Finally, my blog was an absolutely pathetic excuse of media and whilst some of you may not have realised it, I removed my content last year as a way of focusing purely on producing higher quality content with the utmost honesty. Sadly, I noticed the lack of recognition and feedback so I cut back and figured it wasn’t doing as well as I hoped. I started posting for the sake of it but never was truly satisfied because I had never generated the correct number of “likes” or comments (Instagram included). A friend from my undergrad and I discussed how we could use DSLR’s and edit with Photoshop but there will be an image on Instagram of someone’s hand taken on their smart phone that will generate more engagement. IT WAS ANNOYING!
So how did I pick myself up? Where is the big AHA moment?
Well, I am still getting up from all of the above. The social changes are instilled in me everyday and I am learning to exercise respect and kindness to those that haven’t given me a reason not to. As for being in limbo, well let us revisit that in 2 months yeah? In relation to the blog, I have Ugly Betty to thank for that. If you ever watched the show there was an episode where she started a blog and her slogan was to “inspire just one person.” This was 10 years ago but it resonated well with me and I soon found myself thinking how stupid I am to compare myself and my blog to others. The purpose of this blog was to express myself and to do this for me in a way that would enlighten or help someone without expecting more. I get so caught up on not gaining feedback (don’t get me wrong it is still appreciated) but I lose who I am because I start doing things for people rather than myself.
Going forward into this month, I aim to remind myself of the changes I have endured whether they are positive or negative and strive to make myself better in every way possible. If you are reading this and felt uninspired I hope this post helped you realise that not all bloggers are what they perceive to be and any change you go through can be made into a lesson that could have a positive effect on you eventually.
Till next post…